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| A few years ago (at Point Lobos Reserve in California). |
Is it strange that one of the things I get most anxious about with my upcoming transition to working adulthood is maintaining a healthy lifestyle (by which I primarily mean my weight)? Many young professionals in NYC have a hard time with regularly cooking weekday meals, and my record as a student suggests that I will not be an exception. I don't particularly enjoy exercise either. I hate how much of my mental energy is devoted to weight, thanks to the influence of pop culture and larger social pressures. An additional layer of pressure comes from my Asian-American background. Within the community and amongst family members, the standard for an "acceptable" weight and size is quite strict.
I generally dislike being in front of the camera. I used to have a visceral negative reaction to seeing recent photos of myself because of body image-related insecurities. Back then, my distaste for photographs focused on how my face looked. These days, my tune has changed a bit, and I generally think of my face as reasonably photogenic most of the time. More recently, my insecurities center on the rest of me.
Learning to be confident about and happy with my body has been a long process, and I'm not all of the way there. Based on my own purely anecdotal experiences, it seems that more or less everyone I know has their own cross to bear when it comes to body image hangups. For me, its generally been my somewhat atypical (particularly for a Chinese-American woman) top-heavy body shape. My measurements are generally 36''-26''-37'', with much of anything extra accumulating in my chest first. Because I spent most of my teenage and young adult years being self-conscious about my chest measurement, I think that it photographs poorly and generally makes me look larger than I am. How it comes across in pictures varies dramatically depending on angle and pose. Or at least, I think so.
I'm not entirely sure what I mean to do by writing this out. I think a lot about body image issues and the way American society and media treats women and focuses on outward appearances. I know the pressure is, for lack of a better word, externally imposed BS, but its difficult to fully escape it nonetheless.
Learning to be confident about and happy with my body has been a long process, and I'm not all of the way there. Based on my own purely anecdotal experiences, it seems that more or less everyone I know has their own cross to bear when it comes to body image hangups. For me, its generally been my somewhat atypical (particularly for a Chinese-American woman) top-heavy body shape. My measurements are generally 36''-26''-37'', with much of anything extra accumulating in my chest first. Because I spent most of my teenage and young adult years being self-conscious about my chest measurement, I think that it photographs poorly and generally makes me look larger than I am. How it comes across in pictures varies dramatically depending on angle and pose. Or at least, I think so.
I'm not entirely sure what I mean to do by writing this out. I think a lot about body image issues and the way American society and media treats women and focuses on outward appearances. I know the pressure is, for lack of a better word, externally imposed BS, but its difficult to fully escape it nonetheless.